Thursday, November 6, 2008

Trapped!

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Last night I got stuck in the elevator at my offices.
there were three of my coworkers and two old guys from the 7th floor trapped with me..

as if that wasn't enough.. the floor announcement mechanism was malfunctioning so every minute an annoying female voice would say "floor seven" followed immediately by "floor two". I took this as a bad sign as we were stuck on seven and the elevator hadn't moved anywhere near floor two. Then the two old guys started talking about their grandchildren. ARRRRRRRRRRRGH.

So I see a button that says "press for emergency". I figure that this definitely qualifies. So I press..

I hear what sounds like a phone ringing coming from a small speaker above the floor buttons.

"Hello?"
"Yes. We are stuck in an elevator at *gives address*"
"Hello?"
"Yes. We are stuck in an elevator at *gives address*"
"Hello?"
"WE ARE STUCK IN AN ELEVATOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"I'm hanging up now"
"NO YOU COCKSUCKER!!!!!!!!"
*click*
fuck
only our side didn't hang up. So after about a minute that ear shattering "EH EH EH" sound a phone makes when it is off the hook starts blaring through the elevator

"Floor seven"
"Floor two"
"EH EH EH EH EH"
"Here's a picture of my granddaughter. she plays soccer and loves math"
"Floor seven"
"Floor two"
"EH EH EH EH EH"

FUUUUUUUUUUUCK

meanwhile my coworkers are quiet and despondent. I think they were considering who to eat first.

"Floor seven"
"Floor two"
"EH EH EH EH EH"
"Here's a picture of MY granddaughter. It was her birthday last week"
"Floor seven"
"Floor two"
"EH EH EH EH EH"

That was about all I could take..
I dial 911 from my cell phone
"hello? what's you emergency?"
"we are stuck in elevator at one fif FLOOR TWO"
"what was that address"
"we are at one fif FLOOR SEVEN"
"was that 7th ave?"
"NO it was one fif "EH EH EH"
after a few more attempts the dispatcher gets our address..
"ok police have been dispatched"

after about forty five minutes the doors open with a *ping*
"Floor two"
we are on floor seven.
the door of the elevator stays open
the elevator next to it opens
"Floor seven"
We all look at the functioning elevator. Tempting us. Inviting us in.
Without saying a word we exit through the door to the stairs and trudge down seven flights.
We thank the cops and the elevator mechanic they brought with them.

As I leave the building for the night freed from my prison I reach in my pocket for my ipod. Only to find i left it at my desk on the 12th floor.

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

5 comments:

Miss Alex said...

BBBBBBBBBBBBBHAHAHAHHAHAHA......

and the reply from our text messages????

Brad: I'm stuck in an elevator
Alex: A What? Where?
Brad: The elevator at work
Alex: What? Are you Ok? Is my Champange getting warm?
LOOOOOOL

*As brad was supposed to buy us champange and I bought fresh Mozz and flat bread with sundried tomoatos to celebrate Obama...

I did what any good friend would do ... I started in without him.

LOOOLLLL...

p.s. I probably would have barfed in the elevator out of panic... All over that old dude's pictures of his bullshit granddaughter.

Dr Zibbs said...

Hahahahahha. This is great! Fonzie Sox sent me over here. Here's a link to an elevator story on my blog: http://thatblueyak.blogspot.com/2008/08/whos-birthday-boy-that-looks-taller-on.html

dizzblnd said...

This was VERY funny... for us.. sucks to be you though. I am happy to hear no one had to be eaten.

The blue yak sent me.. I am grateful for that

H said...

Biggest.fear.ever. Even if I am just going down to the 3rd floor for lunch I grab my phone in case the elevator breaks down. I would have killed someone if I had been stuck in there for that long with all that noise.

Falwless said...

Okay, I am seriously laughing pretty hard over here.

Goddamn that's hilarious. Zibbs sent me. I do everything he says. It's somewhat like a cult, without the free sneakers. You should join. Talk to me about membership (and dues).